In what accountants are calling “a creative interpretation of philanthropy,” Whoopi Goldberg is reportedly in hot water with the Internal Revenue Service after a surprise audit revealed a troubling pattern of charitable donations—specifically, that the charities don’t exist. At all. Not even a little bit.
According to the audit, which was triggered after Goldberg attempted to write off a $3.2 million donation to something called “The National Coalition for Emotional Support Kangaroos,” the famed host of The View has spent years generously contributing to organizations that seem to exist only in the deepest recesses of someone’s imagination—or possibly a rejected SNL skit.
Among the “charities” listed on her returns were:
- The Society for Intersectional Pottery, which claims to “empower marginalized clay.”
- The Friends of Sustainable Yelling, a group committed to “raising awareness at a moderate but environmentally responsible volume.”
- And Black Santa, Inc., which Goldberg described in a note to her accountant as “a cause close to my heart and even closer to my chimney.”
IRS investigator Joe Barron said he’d never seen anything like it. “We’ve had people try to deduct things like yacht maintenance and hoverboard expenses. But Whoopi’s list reads like Mad Libs written during a fever dream.”
According to Barron, things got even stranger when Goldberg was asked to produce receipts. “She sent us a handwritten ledger and a vision board,” he said. “One of the donations was just a picture of her hugging a plant with the words ‘hope grows’ scribbled in glitter glue.”
Accompanying the audit team was Art Tubolls, a former tax attorney turned mindfulness coach, who tried to intervene on Goldberg’s behalf. “Whoopi doesn’t see charity in the same way the rest of us do,” said Tubolls. “To her, giving isn’t about money. It’s about energy. And vibes. And sometimes, large wire transfers to off-shore entities with cartoon mascots.”
Goldberg’s team insists this is all a misunderstanding. “She believed these were real charities,” said one assistant. “She saw them on a flyer handed out at a Malibu drum circle. And one was mentioned in a dream she had after mixing melatonin with absinthe.”
Still, the IRS isn’t buying it. They’ve already frozen three of Goldberg’s accounts and placed a lien on her upcoming The View salary. A source inside ABC says she may be asked to “take a break” from the show to “spend more time with her accountants.”
Conservative outlets are, predictably, having a field day. “Looks like Whoopi finally got audited for all that virtue,” wrote one columnist. “Turns out it doesn’t come cheap.”
Despite everything, Goldberg seems unbothered. When asked for comment, she simply replied, “If giving fake money to fake charities makes me a criminal, then I guess I’m guilty of caring too hard.”
God Bless America.