A rising dating trend known as ‘relationship anarchy’ is gaining attention for its potential to ease loneliness—but it’s not without its risks.
In today’s digital dating landscape, navigating love can feel like walking through a minefield. While countless apps promise romantic connections (or multiple, if that’s your thing), the endless cycle of swiping, ghosting, and superficial interactions can leave people feeling more drained than desired.
The fast-paced, gamified nature of online dating—with its fleeting conversations, constant matching and unmatching, and overwhelming number of choices—has taken a toll on users’ mental health and self-esteem.
It’s no surprise then that the U.S. is facing what Surgeon General Vivek Murthy has called a ‘loneliness epidemic.’ Young men aged 15 to 34 are reportedly the most affected, with recent polls identifying them as the loneliest demographic across the Western world.
‘Relationship anarchy’ offers a different approach—eschewing traditional rules and expectations in favor of fluid, non-hierarchical connections. While it can foster more genuine, individualized relationships, experts caution that without clear boundaries or emotional preparedness, this radical freedom may lead to confusion, unmet needs, and deeper emotional strain.
Loneliness is apparently affecting young men the most (Getty Images)
However, it turn, women are ‘quiet-quitting’ relationships on an unprecedented scale after taking on the emotional burden of their significant other.
But there may be light at the end of the tunnel as Gen Zers are apparently taking control of that narrative with a new dating phenomenon called ‘relationship anarchy’ that could very well tackle this growing problem head on.
What is ‘relationship anarchy’?
The new philosophy, coined by writer and activist, Andie Nordgren, preaches to view all relationships in your life as equally important and unique – and that you can really love more than one person.
Each bond is free from societal conventions, rules and expectations, like the pressure of ‘putting a label on it’ when dating somebody new.
Under the concept, willing participants aren’t in a ‘relationship’ in the old traditional sense of the word, as even in a romantic connection, it’s not labelled in any way.
It’s about tearing up the rules (Getty Images)
What are the ‘rules’ to relationship anarchy?
Well, the rules are that there are no rules. It all comes down to how you and the people in your life choose to govern your life and romantic partnerships.
In her proposal, The Short Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy, Nordgren outlines nine key components of ‘relationship anarchy,’ describing how it breaks the norms of monogamous relationships.
“You have capacity to love more than one person, and one relationship and the love felt for that person does not diminish love felt for another,” she writes. “Don’t rank and compare people and relationships — cherish the individual and your connection to them.”
The writer says its about valuing each relationship separately (Getty Images)
Nordgren says it’s all about ‘respecting’ other people’s ‘independence and self-determination,’ adding that a close bond or history together ‘does not make you entitled to command and control a partner to comply with what is considered normal to do in a relationship.’
What have people said about the theory?
Feeld, a popular app for people with kinks and non-monogamous users, backs the idea too, having recently published in its ‘State of Dating’ report that it supports the practice as a ‘radical response to our current loneliness epidemic.’
Its research found up to 20 percent of young people who responded to its survey said they had engaged in relationship anarchy at some point, compared to half of all Feeld users, and most said they felt ‘less loneliness and a higher likelihood of deep and broad connections’ as a result.
The company adds the trend is most common among LGBTQ+ communities.
It’s becoming increasingly popular for LGBTQ+ communities (Getty Images)
“Why must romantic relationships sit at the top of our emotional hierarchy? This adherence to tradition burdens romantic love with the impossible task of asking one partner to fulfill all our emotional needs—often at the cost of our broader connections and deeper, personal well-being,” the report read in part.
What are the warnings?
Despite spicing up the dating game, relationship anarchy can be risky business, especially for newbies.
The prevailing pitfall of it comes down to navigating boundaries, as Feeld wrote in its report: “The path towards non-prescriptive love isn’t without its challenges.”
It can be hard to establish boundaries (Getty Images)
Members engaging in relationship anarchy reported difficulty in negotiating relationship boundaries by a staggering 536 per cent compared to other relationships – and those who don’t practice it were 46 percent more likely to find it easier to resolve conflicts.
